WIBTA if I don’t “share” the inheritance that I received from a friend with her daughter?

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When Inheritance Sparks Family Drama

After the sudden death of her beloved neighbor Valorie, a woman finds herself unexpectedly inheriting everything Valorie owned, including her condo and car. However, the twist comes when Valorie’s estranged daughter, Sam, reaches out, demanding a share of her late mother’s belongings despite decades of silence. This situation raises poignant questions about family ties, forgiveness, and the complexities of inheritance, making it a relatable dilemma for anyone who has navigated family dynamics or loss. As emotions run high, the protagonist must decide whether to honor Valorie’s wishes or extend a gesture of compassion to Sam, who feels wronged and hurt.

Inheritance Conflict and Family Drama

Recently, I (F32) experienced a significant life event when my neighbor and close friend, Valorie (F68), passed away unexpectedly. Our friendship blossomed after I moved into my condo in 2018, where we shared a close bond, often spending Saturday mornings together tending to our plants and chatting.

Valorie was a widow since the age of 55, having lost her husband, Garry.
She had a daughter, Sam (F44), with whom she had been estranged since the early 2000s due to a conflict over Sam’s sexual orientation.
Valorie expressed deep regret over not standing up for Sam during their fallout, which left her heartbroken.

After learning about Sam, I took the initiative to help Valorie reach out to her daughter. We crafted a heartfelt message where Valorie apologized and expressed her desire to reconnect. Unfortunately, Sam did not respond.

Tragically, Valorie passed away on her balcony from an embolism about a month ago. I informed Sam of Valorie’s death by sending her the obituary and memorial details. However, Sam did not attend the funeral.

To my surprise, I discovered that Valorie had left everything to me in her will. This included her condo and personal belongings. Shortly after, I received a message from Sam, who was upset and accused me of taking advantage of Valorie. She demanded that I return Valorie’s possessions, claiming entitlement due to their mother-daughter relationship.

Sam had not communicated with Valorie for decades and ignored her attempts to reconnect.
I felt conflicted about whether to share any of Valorie’s belongings with Sam, considering her lack of involvement in Valorie’s life.

As I navigated this family drama, I consulted with a lawyer who confirmed that the inheritance was legally mine, and Sam had no claim to it. However, I began to wonder if I should offer Sam something to help her heal from their estrangement.

In the wake of this conflict, I sought advice from others and decided to consult a different lawyer to better understand my legal rights and how to communicate with Sam. Her initial message was harsh, and I wanted to respond thoughtfully.

Valorie’s estate is simple, consisting of her condo and car.
I have been clearing out Valorie’s belongings, trying to preserve her memory while respecting her wishes.

Valorie had been a kind and accepting person, known for her support of the LGBTQ community. This made the estrangement from Sam even more puzzling to me. I learned that Valorie had only reached out to Sam once, fearing that persistent contact might push her further away.

As I continue to process my grief and the complexities of this situation, I remain open to the possibility of offering Sam something meaningful from Valorie’s belongings, recognizing the importance of conflict resolution in this family drama.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I F32 recently came into an inheritance when my neighbor and close friend, Valorie F68, died. I met Valorie when I moved into my condo in 2018, and she became my next-door neighbor. Our places are on the top floor and have almost connecting balconies.

We used to spend every Saturday morning outside taking care of our plant babies and chatting. I had learned that Valorie had been a widow since she was 55. I got the impression that she had married young and never had a true chance to learn who she was until after Garry had died.

I had always thought that Valorie was alone in the world. Turns out that Valorie had had one child, a daughter, Sam F44. However, they had been estranged since the early 2000s.

The story that Valorie told me was that Sam had come out as gay when she was just out of high school. That did not sit well with Garry. He told Sam that she was no longer his daughter and kicked her out, telling her to never contact them or come home again.

The whole situation broke Valorie’s heart, and it was her biggest regret in life. She told me that she had always wished she had tried to fight for Sam, but in the moment, she was so shocked that she watched the whole thing happen without saying a word.

When I had first heard that story, I asked if she had ever tried to reach out. Valorie told me that she hadn’t because she didn’t know how to even try. So I did some internet sleuthing and found Sam on Facebook.

It turns out that Sam had managed to build a good life for herself. I helped Valorie draft a heartfelt message to Sam. Valorie apologized for everything and told Sam how much her perspectives had changed over the years.

Valorie also asked if they could try and build a new relationship. We sent the message and saw that Sam had seen and maybe read the message, but Sam never responded. About a month ago, I got home from work to find Valorie passed away on her balcony.

She had suffered an embolism. I sent the link to her obituary and memorial page to Sam. I didn’t see Sam at the funeral.

There is a lawyer handling all of Valorie’s affairs. I thought that I would simply grieve the loss of my friend and eventually would have a new neighbor. I never expected me to be the only person who Valorie mentioned in her will, let alone to have been left everything.

A few days ago, Sam messaged me. She was upset and demanded that I give her Valorie’s things, claiming that I took advantage of an old widow. I was upset when I first read Sam’s message and thought, “Who does she think she is? She hasn’t spoken to Valorie in literal decades and never responded when Valorie tried to reach out.”

Now Valorie is her mother, and that entitles her to Valorie’s stuff? Now I wonder if I should do something for Sam. I go back and forth if Valorie would want me to.

Valorie knew where Sam was, so she could have included Sam somehow. The lawyer I talked to said that the inheritance is completely mine and that Sam has no claim, but should I give Sam something?

UPDATE

Thank you to everyone who has commented and given me the outside perspective that I needed. I’m shocked at the volume of people who have reacted to this. I was really only hoping to have a handful of responses to help me think.

I do want to clarify some things that I wasn’t able to in the original post due to the character limits. I first want to address the timeline of events:

Sam was kicked out in the early 2000s. I think it was in 2002.
Garry died in 2011.
Valorie sold the “family home” and downsized to her condo in 2013 because the house was too big for just her.
I moved into my condo in 2018.
I learned about Sam, Valorie wrote the letter, and we sent it to Sam in 2022.
Valorie retired and had her will and estate set up at the end of 2023.
Valorie died on January 23, 2025.
The funeral was on January 31, 2025. I messaged Sam as soon as the funeral arrangements were finalized.
Sam messaged me this past Sunday on February 23, 2025.

To clarify some questions that people had about the estate, it’s currently in the formal probate process. Valorie was a legal secretary for a family law office, and the lawyer she worked with specialized in estate law. She had a full career there, and as part of her retirement package, that lawyer helped her set up her will and take care of the estate.

This is the lawyer who told me that everything is being done by the book, that everything will be fully settled in a few months, and that all of Valorie’s wishes are being carried out to the letter. I have taken Reddit’s advice and will be speaking to a different lawyer about both my legal interests in the estate and how to communicate with Sam.

I still haven’t responded to her because I haven’t been sure how. Her initial message was extremely harsh and attacking, and that is what triggered that first emotional and protective response in me. I’m trying to take Reddit’s advice and be empathetic to Sam’s situation.

However, that is challenging because Sam has continued to send me a few additional messages demanding that I respond and calling me a “heartless bitch” and “homophobic bigot,” among other things. I’m not going to respond until after I’ve talked to that lawyer and can do it in the right way.

I do think that Reddit is right and that if Sam wants any sentimental items, she should have them because they might help her healing. I do want to be clear that the estate is not very big and is very simple.

All that Valorie had was her condo and her car. That car was more valuable to her than it is on the market. It’s a 2014 model of a daily driver.

I hold the spare key to Valorie’s condo and have been in to clear out the kitchen and to take care of her plant babies because I can’t bear to see them die too. It’s been really strange being in that space without her.

I’ve been given permission to start cleaning out the condo, but not to get rid of anything. I’m going to spend this weekend going through her things and organizing them into boxes. I don’t know what type of sentimental items that I’ll find because Valorie doesn’t have any family photos on display in her place.

There are no photos of Sam and no photos of Garry, not even wedding photos. I can’t speak to the Valorie who Sam knew. I do know that in her younger years, Valorie was an active member of the LDS church, but that she had stopped being religious by the time that I knew her.

The Valorie who I knew was by no means a bigot. I knew her as a kind, loving, and accepting person. She knew that I’m bi and never judged me for it.

She has a Pride flag hanging on her balcony, and she used to attend Pride parades as one of those ally moms/grandmas who would hug and be supportive to the LGBTQ youth who had no one. I knew her as someone who was trying to make amends to the universe.

When I first heard the story about Sam, I was shocked because that just didn’t line up with the Valorie that I knew. Valorie did have her own Facebook account and knew how to use it, but Sam was not easy to find. It took me a few months to track her down.

We used Facebook Messenger because that was our only means of contacting Sam. The “message” was a 4-5 page letter where Valorie told Sam everything and completely shared her soul. Valorie only reached out once because, “Sam was so much like

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for keeping the inheritance, as Valorie’s actions towards her daughter Sam were deemed neglectful and harmful. Many users emphasize that Valorie’s late attempt to reconnect does not absolve her of her past actions, and they suggest that OP should consider offering sentimental items to Sam rather than financial compensation. Overall, the comments reflect a belief that while OP has the legal right to the inheritance, ethical considerations regarding Sam’s feelings and needs should also be taken into account.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Inheritance Conflict

In navigating the complexities of this inheritance conflict, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and understanding for both parties involved. Here are some practical steps to consider:

For the Original Poster (OP)

Reflect on Valorie’s Wishes: Take time to consider what Valorie would have wanted in this situation. She valued her relationship with you and may have appreciated your kindness towards her daughter.
Communicate Openly with Sam: Reach out to Sam with a calm and empathetic message. Acknowledge her grief and feelings of loss, and express your understanding of the complicated relationship she had with her mother.
Offer Sentimental Items: Consider offering Sam a few meaningful items that belonged to Valorie. This gesture could help bridge the gap between them and provide Sam with a sense of connection to her mother.
Seek Mediation if Necessary: If communication becomes too heated or unproductive, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a mediator, to facilitate a constructive conversation.
Document Everything: Keep a record of all communications with Sam and any decisions made regarding Valorie’s belongings. This documentation can be helpful if disputes arise in the future.

For Sam

Process Your Emotions: Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your mother and the relationship you had. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or regret about the past.
Consider OP’s Perspective: Try to understand OP’s position. She was a close friend to Valorie and may have been unaware of the full extent of your estrangement.
Communicate Your Feelings: When reaching out to OP, express your feelings honestly but respectfully. Share your grief and your desire to reconnect with your mother’s memory.
Be Open to Dialogue: Approach the conversation with an open mind. Be willing to listen to OP’s perspective and consider her feelings as well.
Seek Support: If you’re struggling with your emotions, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and navigate this difficult time.

Ultimately, both parties are dealing with loss and unresolved feelings. By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to communicate, there is potential for healing and understanding on both sides.