AITA for absolutely hating my younger autistic brother with all my heart?

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Sibling Rivalry or Genuine Hatred?

A 15-year-old girl grapples with intense feelings of disdain for her 13-year-old brother, whose Autism Spectrum Disorder has dramatically altered their family dynamics. As she reflects on her childhood overshadowed by her brother’s needs and the favoritism he receives, she questions whether her emotions make her a bad sister or if they stem from years of neglect and frustration. This story resonates with many who have experienced the complexities of sibling relationships, especially when one child requires more attention due to special needs. It raises thought-provoking questions about family dynamics, empathy, and the struggle for balance in love and resentment.

Family Drama: A Sister’s Struggle with Her Brother’s Condition

A 15-year-old girl reflects on her tumultuous relationship with her 13-year-old brother, who has Autism Spectrum Disorder. The ongoing family drama has led to significant conflict and emotional turmoil for her. Here’s a breakdown of her feelings and experiences:

Intense Feelings: The sister expresses a deep-seated hatred for her brother, feeling embarrassed and disgusted by his behavior. She acknowledges that her feelings are extreme and difficult to understand.
Family Dynamics: The arrival of her brother changed the family structure. His diagnosis led to increased stress, with her parents often preoccupied with his needs, leaving her feeling neglected.
Grandmother’s Favoritism: The sister feels that her grandmother favored her brother, which exacerbated her feelings of abandonment. Attempts to guide her brother were met with criticism, further isolating her.
Behavioral Issues: The brother exhibits behaviors that the sister finds repulsive, including poor hygiene and tantrums. She feels that his actions are often excused due to his condition, leading to a lack of boundaries.
Emotional Toll: The sister describes her emotional struggles, including feelings of frustration and depression. She often retreats to her room to escape the conflict and tension at home.
Family Support: Despite her negative feelings, the brother is adored by the family, which leaves the sister feeling like the “bad guy” when she expresses her concerns.
Conflict Resolution Challenges: Attempts to address issues, such as a recent incident at the mall, were met with dismissal from her mother, leaving the sister feeling powerless and unheard.
Self-Reflection: The sister grapples with her feelings, questioning whether she is overreacting or if her emotions are justified. She acknowledges the complexity of her situation and the difficulty in changing her feelings.

In conclusion, the sister’s experience highlights the challenges of navigating family dynamics when a sibling has special needs. The ongoing conflict and emotional strain raise questions about conflict resolution and the impact of favoritism within families. The sister seeks understanding and honesty about her feelings, recognizing the need for support in addressing her struggles.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I 15F am two years older than my brother 13M, and lately, I’ve found myself reflecting on how much I absolutely despise his existence. Everything he does disgusts and embarrasses me. I hate being seen with him, detest interacting with him, and even at home, I don’t care about his feelings or well-being.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not someone who easily develops such strong negative feelings toward anyone, and if I could, I’d force myself to start liking him, but it’s physically impossible. Every atom of my being abhors him, and I feel like no one can truly understand this pure hatred that floods my body whenever I see or even hear him. It’s bizarre, almost supernatural.

First of all, I do not wish for his death or for anything brutal to happen to him, because that would turn my life upside down by completely destabilizing my family. However, I can’t lie—my life would be immeasurably better if he simply didn’t exist.

Let’s start at the beginning. I’ve always understood and dealt well with the fact that when you get a younger sibling, your parents’ attention will obviously diminish. But when my brother was four years old, he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, and my life was never the same again.

My family fell apart completely. I started finding my mom crying daily, my parents fighting constantly, and my grandmother moved in to try to stabilize the situation. I was completely abandoned because of the demands of having an autistic child in the family.

Honestly, I don’t blame my family for this at the time. My brother’s condition was something very new, and it took time for things to even seem normal again—which, I dare say, never truly happened. Time passed, and some problems subsided while others emerged.

My parents were busy taking care of the house and working, so I was practically raised by my grandmother, who hated me and clearly favored my brother. I never believed in the idea of favoritism toward the youngest sibling, but it’s true. It always has been, and my situation is only worse considering his condition.

She spoiled him the entire time I lived with her. Not only that, but any attempt I made to discipline or guide my brother as an older sister should turned into arguments about how rude and arrogant I was for doing so, even though my only intention was to help him become a better person. And then there was the physical aggression.

My grandmother never dared to hit me because my mom, despite being busy, spent a lot of time at home and would have intervened if she saw it. However, not reprimanding or stopping my brother from hitting me was perfectly acceptable in the house, since he has a condition and can’t control himself. Because of this, my brother grew up without limits.

He always got everything he wanted on demand, his priorities came before anything else in the house, and he had unrestricted internet access. Even now, he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, because everyone pities him. Meanwhile, I grew up frustrated and depressed.

I was always aware of how much my brother cost the family with expensive toys and fast food, so I never asked for presents or small indulgences. Everything that was mine became his, and from the moment it was his, I couldn’t even touch it. I would lock myself in my room to cry often, and if I tried to fight back or stand up to him, he was and still is the first to hit me and insult me, calling me names like “that cursed sister” or “that annoying sister,” phrases he heard from my grandmother and sometimes even my mom when I didn’t do something with or for him.

I always locked myself in my room to avoid contact with him or any situation involving him. I distanced myself from my family at home to avoid fights, and even now, I’m known as the moody teenager who never leaves her room. Nowadays, my brother is a disgusting, obese, loud, and spoiled preteen.

He’s twice as strong as I am and could seriously hurt me if I disagreed with him. I hate him, and I could list all the reasons: he eats his own snot, wears the same underwear for weeks, hates showers and throws tantrums over them, spends 24 hours on his phone, masturbates himself all day and all over the house, eats only fast food and sweets, and his elegance is that of a filthy pig.

He spends so much time on the internet that he memorizes lines from the gross cartoons he watches, screams them while jumping and hitting himself, and simply can’t shut up. He has thousands of childish toys but is never satisfied and always wants more expensive ones, throwing tantrums in stores if he doesn’t get what he wants. I could spend the rest of my life describing how repulsive he is and how ashamed I feel knowing we share the same blood.

The worst part is that my brother is adored by the entire family. Everyone laughs at his grotesque and disgusting behavior, always wanting to please him. And since I’m the only one who seems to criticize these actions, I’m always the bad guy.

One time at the mall, my mom, my brother, and I were out together. After tormenting us with tantrums and screaming, he ran into a movie theater, sat down, and refused to leave without paying, mind you. I was furious because that was obviously a crime, but my mom barely did anything to punish him.

When I questioned her, she argued with me, saying things like, “If you were in my place, what would you do?” or “Do you know how hard this is for me?” With all due respect, it’s not my responsibility to know what to do—I’m not his mother or an emotionally mature adult. But one thing is clear: ignoring the problem wasn’t the right thing to do.

And by ignoring, I mean he got a verbal scolding, which went in one ear and out the other. The point I’m trying to make is that he truly doesn’t care. When he’s properly punished, he becomes an uncontrollable beast.

Once, he stole candy from a pharmacy while my mom was distracted. When his electronics were taken away as punishment, he ran around the condo in his underwear and hid in the garage, only coming out after my mom lied and said she’d give his electronics back. Even in moments where he’s kind, I find it ridiculous.

He forces people in elevators to introduce themselves, and if they have a peculiarity like a disability or braces, he’s extremely invasive and touches them without asking. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, and I’m not going to lie, I don’t exactly feel guilty about this feeling, and I don’t have the initiative to change it anytime soon.

I just know that it’s something wrong and supposedly makes me a horrible sister who should regret it, although that’s not my case in terms of regret. I shouldn’t blame him, but these are my feelings, and I can’t control them. Do you think I’m over

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault for their feelings of resentment towards their brother, who has significant challenges due to his condition. Many users emphasize the lack of proper parenting and support for the brother, suggesting that OP should prioritize their own well-being and future, rather than feeling obligated to care for him. The overarching advice is to set clear boundaries and prepare for independence once they reach adulthood.

Verdict

NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Navigating family dynamics when a sibling has special needs can be incredibly challenging. It’s important to address the feelings of both the sister and the brother, as well as the overall family environment. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict:

For the Sister

Self-Reflection: Take time to understand your feelings. Journaling can help you articulate your emotions and identify specific triggers that lead to frustration.
Set Boundaries: Communicate your needs to your parents. Let them know when you need time alone or support in managing your feelings about your brother’s behavior.
Seek Support: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in family dynamics or sibling relationships. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies.
Educate Yourself: Learn more about Autism Spectrum Disorder. Understanding your brother’s condition may help you develop empathy and patience, even if his behavior is challenging.
Find Common Ground: Look for activities you can enjoy together with your brother. This could help build a positive relationship and reduce feelings of resentment.

For the Parents

Open Communication: Create a family environment where everyone feels safe to express their feelings. Regular family meetings can help address concerns and foster understanding.
Balance Attention: Ensure that both children receive attention and support. Schedule one-on-one time with your daughter to validate her feelings and show her she is valued.
Educate the Family: Provide resources and information about Autism Spectrum Disorder to the entire family, including the grandmother. This can help reduce favoritism and promote understanding.
Encourage Independence: Help both children develop skills for independence. This can include life skills for the brother and emotional resilience for the sister.
Seek Professional Guidance: Consider family therapy to address underlying issues and improve communication. A professional can facilitate discussions and help the family navigate complex emotions.

For the Brother

Behavioral Support: Ensure that the brother receives appropriate support for his condition, including therapy or behavioral interventions that can help him manage his emotions and actions.
Social Skills Training: Encourage participation in social skills groups or activities that can help him interact positively with peers and family members.
Encourage Empathy: Teach the brother about emotions and relationships. This can help him understand how his actions affect others, including his sister.

By taking these steps, the family can work towards a healthier dynamic that acknowledges the needs of each member while fostering understanding and support. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and prioritize your well-being in this complex situation.