AITA for giving my fiancé one week to choose between his family or video games

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Exhausted and Overwhelmed: A Mother’s Breaking Point

In a relatable tale of modern parenting, a young mother grapples with the challenges of being a stay-at-home parent while her fiancé indulges in video games during his time off. After years of feeling like the default caregiver, she reaches her breaking point when her fiancé’s lack of support leads to a heated confrontation. This story raises thought-provoking questions about shared responsibilities in relationships and the balance between work and family life, resonating with many who have faced similar struggles in their own homes.

Family Drama Over Parenting Responsibilities

A 22-year-old woman, a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), is facing significant family drama with her fiancé, also 22, regarding their parenting dynamics and his gaming habits. The couple has been together for three and a half years and has a one-year-old son. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Work Schedule: The fiancé, referred to as J, works in the oilfield with a demanding two weeks on and one week off schedule.
Exhaustion and Expectations: The SAHM feels overwhelmed managing their child alone for two weeks while J decompresses during his time off, often prioritizing video games over family responsibilities.
Conflict Resolution Attempts: The SAHM has previously expressed her feelings of exhaustion and the need for support, but these discussions have not led to lasting changes.

Recently, tensions escalated:

Breaking Point: After a long week, the SAHM requested that J wake up with their son the following morning, hoping for a chance to sleep in.
Ignored Requests: J did not acknowledge her request and continued to play video games late into the night.
Morning Chaos: The next morning, the SAHM woke up to their son crying while J attempted to go back to sleep, leading to frustration and conflict.
Escalation: After a heated exchange, the SAHM issued an ultimatum: either J prioritizes family time over gaming, or she would consider leaving.

In her edits, she clarified:

Love for Her Child: She emphasized her commitment to her son and her desire for a balanced partnership in parenting.
Need for Personal Time: The SAHM expressed that she simply wants time to recharge, especially when J is home.
Prepared for Change: She is ready to take significant steps, including moving out if necessary, to ensure her well-being and that of her child.

In an update, she shared that she is currently at her sister’s house, reflecting on the situation and reading comments from others. She sent her post to J and is awaiting his response, indicating that she is prepared for the next steps in resolving this family conflict.

This situation highlights the complexities of parenting, the importance of communication, and the need for conflict resolution in relationships, especially during challenging times like wedding tension and family dynamics.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Me (22F) and my fiancé (22M) have been together for three and a half years, and we have a one-year-old son. My fiancé, let’s call him J, works in the oilfield and has a two-week-on and one-week-off schedule. I’m a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), and I understand that after working nonstop for two weeks, you want to come home and relax and decompress; totally understandable.

What I don’t understand is how he can leave me home with a one-year-old for two weeks and have no understanding of how exhausting it is. When he finally gets his days off, it’s always, always, always video games before anything else. When J is on his days off, I feel like I can take a break and relax and maybe sleep in a few extra hours instead of waking up at 8 a.m. every day.

Now, I met my breaking point last night and this morning. Last night, I told J that in the morning he would be the one waking up with our son and suggested he get off soon, and of course, he ignored me. So, I go to bed, and then at 2 a.m., he finally comes into bed; whatever, I was tired, so I go to sleep.

This morning, I woke up to my baby screaming and J trying to go back to sleep while holding my son in bed. I did get mad and told him that he was hungry and he should go make him a bottle. Again, he ignored me; I know you’re probably thinking I should have just gotten up and made it myself, but I told him last night that I wanted to sleep in this morning like he has been every day he’s been home.

He got up with an attitude, threw our son to my side, blamed me for not making the bottle, and slammed the door as he walked out. Of course, a morning routine with a baby isn’t just making a bottle; it’s changing a diaper and making sure they are dry and don’t need new clothes. Did he do any of that? No, he came in, threw the bottle on the bed, and laid back down.

At that point, I was pissed and yelled at him for staying on games too late and how it’s not fair that I’m always the default parent. After we both cooled down, I told him one week; either all his gaming stuff leaves, or I do. I should also mention that I have tried other things before diving headfirst into the ultimatum.

There have been so many times I voiced how overwhelmed I was, and nothing ever changed. It would get better for a while, then be back to square one all over again. So, AITA for making a grown-ass man choose between video games and his family? First-time Reddit poster; if I can figure out how to post updates, I will, as I need to.

Edit

Some things I forgot to add: I just wanted to say I love my baby and would do anything for him. I’m not at all mad at getting up early to get him what he needs; I am his momma. What I am mad about is my fiancé choosing to stay up late when knowing I’m tired and overwhelmed and that I need to recharge.

Also, I am completely prepared to work and move out if need be.

Edit 2

Some of you are getting a little off base. Nowhere did I say he needed to take over my womanly duties of taking care of our child, blah blah blah, sexist shit. I simply need time for myself when he is off work; like, God forbid I get one morning to sleep in.

I know how draining an oilfield job is, but, good grief, if the man has enough energy to pipe me down (oilfield reference), I’m sure he’s more than capable of going to bed earlier so we can at least get up together and take care of our kid.

Update

I’m over at my sister’s, and we’re talking and reading every single comment and reply. Thank you so much to everyone who took time out of their day to comment and give advice. I wasn’t expecting this many comments so fast; I sent this post to J while I’m at my sister’s and am still waiting for any sort of response.

I know the next steps are not going to be easy, but I’m ready to take these next steps.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) should leave her partner, whom they describe as a “man child” and incapable of fulfilling his responsibilities as a father. Many users emphasize that OP is already functioning as a single mother and that the situation will only worsen if they remain together, highlighting the need for her to prioritize her well-being and that of her child.

Users suggest that OP should not hesitate to break off the relationship and ensure child support.
There is a recurring theme of recognizing red flags and the importance of a supportive partner in parenting.

Overall Verdict: YTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Parenting Conflict

Conflict in parenting dynamics can be challenging, especially when both partners have different expectations and responsibilities. Here are some practical steps for both the stay-at-home mom (SAHM) and her fiancé (J) to consider in resolving their issues:

For the Stay-at-Home Mom (SAHM)

Communicate Clearly: Schedule a calm, uninterrupted time to discuss your feelings and needs. Use “I” statements to express how his gaming habits affect you, such as “I feel overwhelmed when I manage our child alone for two weeks.”
Set Boundaries: Clearly outline what you need from him during his time off. For example, agree on specific times when he will engage with the family versus when he can enjoy his gaming.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or parenting groups for emotional support and advice. Sometimes, talking to others can provide new perspectives and coping strategies.
Consider Professional Help: If communication continues to break down, consider couples counseling. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions and improve understanding.
Prioritize Self-Care: Make time for yourself, even if it’s just a short break. This will help you recharge and approach parenting with a clearer mind.

For the Fiancé (J)

Reflect on Responsibilities: Take time to consider your role as a father and partner. Acknowledge the demands placed on your fiancé and the importance of being present for your child.
Engage Actively: Make a conscious effort to participate in parenting when you are home. This could mean waking up with your son, playing with him, or helping with household tasks.
Limit Gaming Time: Set specific limits on gaming during your time off to ensure you are prioritizing family time. Consider scheduling gaming sessions around family activities.
Communicate Openly: Ask your fiancé how you can better support her and what specific actions would help alleviate her stress. Show willingness to listen and adapt.
Seek Balance: Find a balance between personal interests and family responsibilities. It’s important to have personal time, but it should not come at the expense of family well-being.

Joint Steps to Consider

Establish a Family Schedule: Create a weekly schedule that includes dedicated family time, personal time, and responsibilities for both partners. This can help set clear expectations.
Regular Check-Ins: Schedule weekly check-ins to discuss how each of you is feeling about the parenting dynamic and make adjustments as needed.
Focus on Teamwork: Approach parenting as a team. Celebrate successes together and support each other through challenges.

Ultimately, both partners need to feel valued and supported in their roles. Open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt are key to resolving conflicts and fostering a healthy family environment.