AITA for publicly telling my ex coworker that I don’t like them?

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Birthday Confrontation: A Blunt Response or Justified Honesty?

When a woman unexpectedly encounters a former coworker at her birthday celebration, tensions rise as past grievances resurface. Despite her attempts to maintain politeness, a blunt remark about her dislike for the ex-coworker leads to an uncomfortable scene, leaving everyone questioning social norms and boundaries. This relatable scenario highlights the challenges of navigating social interactions, especially for those with neurodivergent experiences, and raises thought-provoking questions about honesty versus politeness in uncomfortable situations.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution at a Birthday Celebration

During a recent birthday celebration, a conflict arose when I, a 32-year-old woman, encountered an ex-coworker, Sara, who is 31. The situation escalated quickly, leading to a tense moment that left everyone involved feeling uncomfortable. Here’s a breakdown of the events:

Background: I worked with Sara at a fast food restaurant for two years, where she was a shift lead. Our relationship was strained due to her management style and personality, which I found unpleasant.
Unexpected Encounter: While celebrating my birthday at a bar with friends, I ran into Sara. We engaged in a brief conversation where she inquired about my new job and asked for a recommendation for a position at my current company, a call center.
Setting Boundaries: I expressed my discomfort with recommending her, which she dismissed with a joke. After our conversation, I walked back to my friends’ table, unaware that Sara followed me.
Awkward Introduction: Upon reaching my friends, I inadvertently stated, “I don’t like you, can you please leave?” This comment shocked everyone, including Sara, who was visibly upset.
Reactions: My friends were confused, thinking Sara was a friend of mine. Sara reacted by calling me rude and using derogatory language, claiming I embarrassed her. However, she had intruded on my birthday celebration uninvited.
Context of Dislike: My negative feelings towards Sara stem from her past behavior, including making jokes about my autism and deafness. I felt her presence was unwelcome, especially on my special day.
Aftermath: Once Sara left, my friends expressed their disapproval of her behavior and supported me. They were aware of my history with Sara and reassured me that I was not in the wrong.
Reflection: Despite my friends’ support, I questioned whether my bluntness was appropriate. I have been working on improving my social interactions and wondered if there was a more tactful way to handle the situation.

In conclusion, while I felt justified in my reaction due to Sara’s past behavior, I am left contemplating the best approach for future conflict resolution in similar situations. The incident highlighted the complexities of family drama and the challenges of navigating social dynamics, especially when past grievances resurface unexpectedly.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, a 32-year-old female, ran into an ex-coworker, Sara, a 31-year-old female, at a bar while I was out with friends celebrating my birthday. We worked together for two years at a fast food restaurant. I left this job in January 2025.

She was a shift lead, and I’ve never liked her. I didn’t like her management style or her personality. She came up to me at the bar, and we had a 10-minute conversation.

I thought it was cordial and polite. She was mostly asking me questions about my new job. She asked if I would recommend her for a job at my new company.

I got a job at a call center, nothing glamorous. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with that. She brushed it off with a bad joke.

I ended the conversation and walked to the table my friends were at, and Sara followed me. I didn’t notice until I got to the table, and she sat down next to me. My friends introduced themselves, and I, without thinking, said something along the lines of, “I don’t like you, can you please leave?”

I have autism, and I could tell that was not the correct thing to say. Everyone seemed uncomfortable, and Sara was visibly shocked and upset. My friends were shocked and confused.

They assumed that Sara was a friend or someone I invited to the table. They had zero context of who Sara is. Sara made a scene and told me that I was rude, a bitch, and a bunch of other things.

She said that I embarrassed her. She embarrassed herself by following me to my table uninvited. And yes, she knew it was my birthday.

I do feel bad and know that I could have formulated a polite response. But she’s a former coworker and an unpleasant one. I have many stories about her, but the worst example is that she made jokes about my autism and deafness multiple times.

She is fake nice, and her friendship style is bullying people. She has a really icky vibe. I don’t know what Sara wanted from me.

I wasn’t going to hang out with her, especially not on my birthday. So, AITA for telling her bluntly that I don’t like her?

Edit

I forgot to mention how my friends reacted after Sara left. They were really upset that she called me a bitch and collectively told her to leave. Sara left quickly, and I told them who she was.

They’ve heard stories about Sara for years. None of my friends thought I was an asshole. All of them were comforting and validating.

We ended up leaving the bar within the hour because I was overstimulated and felt so uncomfortable being at the bar. We went back to my apartment and hung out for a bit there.

The reason I thought I was an asshole is that I’ve been trying to be better about social situations. My friends are used to how I communicate and are biased. When I was reflecting on the situation, I was thinking of better ways to tell Sara to leave that wouldn’t have resulted in a scene or being berated.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post. I can’t possibly respond to every comment, but I have read them all.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a unanimous agreement that the original poster (OP) is not the asshole (NTA) for their blunt response to Sara. Many users emphasize that Sara’s behavior was intrusive and manipulative, as she followed OP to a table uninvited and made fun of OP’s disabilities. The consensus is that OP’s clear communication was necessary to set boundaries and protect their social circle from Sara’s unwanted influence.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict resolution can be challenging, especially when past grievances are involved. Here are some practical steps for both parties to consider in order to address the situation and foster healthier interactions in the future.

For the Original Poster (OP)

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to process your emotions regarding Sara’s past behavior. Understanding your feelings can help you articulate them better in future interactions.
Practice Assertive Communication: While your bluntness was understandable, consider practicing more tactful ways to express your boundaries. Phrases like, “I’m not comfortable discussing this,” can convey your feelings without escalating tension.
Consider a Follow-Up: If you feel safe and comfortable, consider reaching out to Sara to express your feelings about her past behavior. This could help clear the air and provide closure for both parties.
Seek Support: Continue to lean on your friends for support. They can provide perspective and help you navigate similar situations in the future.

For Sara

Reflect on Your Actions: Take time to consider how your past behavior may have affected OP. Acknowledging your role in the conflict is the first step toward resolution.
Apologize Sincerely: If you recognize that your jokes and comments were hurtful, consider reaching out to OP with a genuine apology. Acknowledging the impact of your actions can go a long way in mending relationships.
Respect Boundaries: Understand that not everyone will be comfortable with your presence, especially if there’s a history of conflict. If someone expresses discomfort, it’s important to respect their wishes.
Work on Personal Growth: Consider seeking feedback from others about your communication style and how it may come across. This can help you develop more positive interactions in the future.

Moving Forward

Conflict resolution is a two-way street that requires understanding and empathy from both sides. By taking these steps, both OP and Sara can work towards a more respectful and positive relationship, whether that means finding common ground or simply agreeing to keep their distance. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and set boundaries that protect your mental health.