AITA for yelling at a mom and her kid to get out of my home?

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When DnD Meets Parenting: A Game Night Gone Wrong

In a recent DnD campaign, a host’s attempt to accommodate a friend’s mom friend spirals into chaos when the mom brings her toddler along unannounced. After a series of last-minute cancellations, the toddler’s presence leads to a series of mishaps, including bathroom accidents and a near disaster with the host’s dog. Tensions rise as the host struggles to maintain a safe and enjoyable environment for everyone, ultimately leading to a dramatic confrontation. This story resonates with many who have navigated the challenges of balancing adult hobbies with the unpredictability of parenting.

Family Drama Over DnD Game: AITA?

A few months ago, I (28F) initiated a new Dungeons and Dragons (DnD) campaign and invited several friends to join. Here’s a breakdown of the situation that unfolded:

Invitation and Inclusion: One of my friends, Sarah, requested to bring her friend Anne, a mother who rarely gets adult interaction. I agreed, despite concerns about her potential flakiness due to childcare responsibilities.
Initial Cancellations: Over the next two months, Anne canceled every proposed first session at the last minute. I informed her that if she couldn’t attend the next session, she would be excluded from the long campaign but could still join one-shots. She apologized and assured me she would make it.
Unexpected Arrival: Anne finally attended, but she brought her toddler without prior notice. This created immediate complications.
Bathroom Incident: Upon arrival, the child needed to use the bathroom and made a mess. I asked Anne to clean it up, which seemed to surprise her and made her a bit tense.
Distractions at the Table: Once we sat down, the child began running around, causing stress for me. Anne attempted to manage him by placing him in her lap, but the table was filled with mini figurines, dice, and drinks, posing safety hazards.
Conflict Over Safety: The child wanted to play with the items on the table, and I expressed my concerns about safety. Anne insisted her child was gentle, leading to a disagreement while the child threw a tantrum. After a glass was knocked over, I asked Anne to take him outside to calm down while I made the table safer.
Embarrassment and Cleanup: Anne left, looking embarrassed, and I removed all hazardous items from the table. I tried to calm myself down, feeling overwhelmed by the situation.
Dog Incident: After they returned, my dog came out to drink water. I have a house rule to ignore the dog, which I had communicated beforehand. The child spotted the dog and ran towards it, leading to a chaotic moment where he fell and cried after colliding with me.
Escalation: Anne reacted by yelling at me, and in the heat of the moment, I told her to leave my home. Sarah, who was annoyed about the long drive, chose to leave with Anne.
Aftermath: The remaining guests and I had an awkward half-hour but eventually enjoyed the evening. However, I later discovered that local social media was criticizing me, labeling me as controlling and discriminatory. Sarah, a long-time friend, is now not speaking to me.

Given the family drama and wedding tension surrounding this situation, I’m left wondering: AITA?

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

A few months ago, I (28F) started a new DnD campaign and invited a few friends. One of them, Sarah, asked if her friend Anne could join. Anne is a mom who doesn’t get many chances to hang out with adults, so I agreed, even though I knew she might be flaky due to childcare responsibilities.

I asked Anne if she could attend at least the first few sessions to get familiar with the game, and she agreed. She then proceeded to cancel, mostly last minute, every proposed first session for the next two months. I told her I’m sorry, but if she can’t make it to the next proposed session, she won’t be in long campaigns; she’s still welcome to join one-shots.

She apologized and said she’ll make it. She made it, but brought her toddler without asking. As soon as they came, the kid needed to use the bathroom.

He made a mess since he can’t fully use an adult toilet yet. I told Anne that’s fine but asked her to clean it up. This surprised her, and she started being a bit on edge.

We finally sat down at the table, and the kid started running around, looking for things to do. I was a bit stressed out by this. Anne noticed and put him in her lap.

But now the kid was at the table, which was covered in mini figurines, dice, pretty pictures, and maps, most being a choking hazard, along with glasses of various drinks. The kid started fussing about wanting to play with them. I was telling Anne no because it’s not safe; she told me he’s gentle and doesn’t put stuff in his mouth—we bickered while her kid was throwing a tantrum.

After the kid knocked over a glass, I loudly asked her to step out into the backyard and calm him down a bit while I made the table safer. She did, visibly embarrassed, and I removed everything except for plain-looking papers, pens, and paper cups.

I also did my best to calm down, as this entire thing stressed me out to hell and back at this point. They came back, and things were fine for a minute. That is, until my dog came out of my bedroom to drink water.

Now, I don’t have many house rules, but I have one that’s important: ignore the dog. They were informed of that before coming over. The kid spotted her and yelled “DOGGY”; Anne put him down “to say hi.” He made a full-speed beeline at my dog while making grabbing motions and yelling.

I stopped him by stepping out in front of him; he ran into me, fell down, and started crying. Anne started screaming at me; I screamed back and very swiftly told her to get the f out of my home. Sarah was annoyed and told us it took them an hour and a half to get to me, then went with Anne since they carpooled.

The rest stayed; it was awkward for half an hour or so, but we ended up having fun, and they even stayed for the night. I then woke up to the local Facebook groups and people’s Instagram stories calling me a controlling asshole, saying I’m “discriminating” against various players, being too strict, and “have a dangerous dog.”

To add insult to injury, Sarah, who I’ve been friends with for years, is not speaking to me. So, AITA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong agreement that the host is not at fault (NTA) for asking the guest to leave after she brought her toddler without prior notice and failed to manage the child’s behavior. Many users emphasize the importance of respecting boundaries in someone else’s home and criticize the guest for not having a plan to keep her child occupied, which disrupted the gathering. Overall, the comments reflect a consensus that the host’s actions were justified given the circumstances.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflicts like the one described can be challenging, especially when they involve friends and family. Here are some practical steps to help both parties navigate this situation and potentially mend their relationship:

For the Host (You)

Reflect on the Situation: Take some time to think about the events that transpired. Acknowledge your feelings of being overwhelmed, but also consider Anne’s perspective as a mother trying to balance her responsibilities.
Reach Out to Anne: Consider sending a message to Anne expressing your understanding of the difficulties she faces as a parent. Apologize for the way the situation escalated and clarify that your intention was not to attack her parenting but to maintain a safe environment for everyone.
Set Clear Boundaries: In future gatherings, be explicit about your expectations regarding children. If you are open to having kids at your events, outline what you need from parents to ensure a smooth experience.
Communicate with Sarah: Since Sarah is a mutual friend, it may be beneficial to reach out to her as well. Explain your side of the story calmly and express your desire to resolve the conflict. This may help in mending your friendship with her.

For Anne

Consider the Host’s Perspective: Acknowledge that bringing a child to an adult gathering without prior notice can create unexpected challenges. Reflect on how the situation may have impacted the host and other guests.
Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, reach out to the host to discuss what happened. Share your feelings about the incident and express your desire to understand her perspective. This can help clear the air and foster mutual understanding.
Plan for Future Events: If you wish to attend similar gatherings in the future, consider making arrangements for childcare or discussing with the host beforehand about bringing your child. This can help set expectations and avoid misunderstandings.
Seek Support: If you feel overwhelmed by the situation, consider talking to other friends or family members who can provide support and perspective on the matter.

Moving Forward

Conflict resolution often requires patience and understanding from both sides. By taking these steps, both you and Anne can work towards rebuilding your friendship and ensuring that future gatherings are enjoyable for everyone involved. Remember, open communication and empathy are key to resolving misunderstandings and maintaining healthy relationships.