AITA My BF goes on walks for 5-7 hours and doesn’t communicate where he is

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When Support Turns into Concern: A Relationship Dilemma

In a five-year relationship, a woman grapples with her boyfriend’s extreme anxiety and his habit of disappearing on late-night adventures without communication. While she tries to be supportive, his late-night escapades leave her worried and feeling disrespected, leading to a clash over what constitutes reasonable boundaries. As she seeks advice from strangers online, she begins to question whether his behavior hints at deeper issues like addiction or mental health struggles. This relatable scenario raises thought-provoking questions about trust, communication, and the fine line between support and control in relationships.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Relationship Dilemma

In a relationship marked by love and support, a significant conflict has arisen between a woman (36F) and her boyfriend (37M) of five years. The couple faces challenges stemming from the boyfriend’s anxiety and panic attacks, which lead him to take long walks for relief. However, these walks often escalate into uncommunicated adventures, causing tension and worry for the girlfriend.

Background: The couple has been together for five years, during which the boyfriend has struggled with extreme anxiety and panic attacks.
Supportive Partner: The girlfriend has been understanding and supportive of his need to take walks to calm down.
Communication Issues: The boyfriend frequently fails to update her on his whereabouts, leading to late-night concerns.

On several occasions, the girlfriend has woken up in the early hours of the morning to find her boyfriend still not home. After making frantic calls, he often answers reluctantly, accusing her of being unreasonable and controlling. The locations where he has been found include:

Numerous bars, including some that were closed.
A hotel across town with unfamiliar individuals.
Friends’ houses that she does not know.
Breakfast and drinks with strangers.
A heart-to-heart conversation at the home of a 55-year-old woman.
Parties with people he met during his walks.

The girlfriend expresses her feelings of worry and anger regarding his lack of communication, believing it to be disrespectful. In response, the boyfriend claims that she is being controlling. This disagreement has led her to question whether her concerns are justified.

Update on the Situation

After receiving feedback from various sources, the girlfriend has begun to suspect that her boyfriend may require psychiatric care or could be struggling with an alcohol addiction, or possibly both. Despite her attempts to communicate her concerns, he has not been receptive to her suggestions. Seeking validation and support, she turned to an online community to help her feel more confident in addressing his mental health needs.

She hopes to use the insights gained from this discussion as a reference to demonstrate that her worries are not unfounded and that the issues at hand are significant. The couple’s situation highlights the complexities of family drama and the importance of conflict resolution in relationships, especially when mental health is involved.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Me 36F and my boyfriend 37M have been together for five years. He has extreme anxiety and panic attacks and will take long walks to calm down, which I am supportive of. On numerous occasions, these walks have turned into other adventures, and he doesn’t update me.

I have woken up at 3 AM, 5 AM, or even 8 AM the next morning to find him still not home. After worried and frantic calls, he will reluctantly answer and make me out to be unreasonable and controlling. The places I have located him at after hours of no contact are numerous bars, bars that are closed, at a hotel across town with random people, friends’ houses I do not know, breakfast and drinks with strangers, a 55-year-old woman’s house having a heart-to-heart, and parties with strangers he met on his walk.

AITA for being worried and angry when he doesn’t communicate where he is going if his walks turn into hangouts with friends? I think it’s extremely disrespectful; he says I’m being controlling.

UPDATE

Thanks for your replies, everyone. I have been suspecting for a while that he either needs psychiatric care or has an alcohol addiction, or both. He hasn’t been listening to me, and I needed the help of a bunch of strangers on the internet to feel confident in addressing his need for mental health care.

I wanted to have this written thread as a backup to show him that I’m not being unreasonable and that this is a big issue.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the boyfriend’s behavior is suspicious and potentially indicative of infidelity or substance abuse. Many users emphasize that the excuses related to panic attacks are likely a cover for deeper issues, and they express concern for the original poster’s well-being. Overall, the comments suggest that the boyfriend is not being honest and that the relationship is unhealthy.

Verdict: YTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Addressing the conflict between the girlfriend and her boyfriend requires a thoughtful approach that considers both parties’ feelings and needs. Here are some practical steps to help navigate this challenging situation:

For the Girlfriend

Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and concerns. Write down specific instances that have caused you worry, and clarify what you need from your boyfriend in terms of communication and support.
Open Dialogue: Initiate a calm and honest conversation with your boyfriend. Choose a time when both of you are relaxed and free from distractions. Express your feelings without blaming him, using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel anxious when I don’t know where you are”).
Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries regarding his late-night outings. Discuss what is acceptable for both of you and establish a mutual understanding about communication during these times.
Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest that he consider seeking professional help for his anxiety and any potential substance abuse issues. Frame it as a way to support his well-being rather than as an accusation.
Seek Support: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor yourself. This can provide you with tools to cope with the stress of the situation and help you navigate your feelings more effectively.

For the Boyfriend

Self-Assessment: Take a moment to reflect on your behavior and its impact on your girlfriend. Acknowledge any patterns that may be harmful to your relationship and your mental health.
Communicate Openly: When discussing your anxiety and need for space, be transparent with your girlfriend about your whereabouts and feelings. This can help alleviate her worries and foster trust.
Consider Professional Help: If you suspect that your anxiety or potential substance use is affecting your relationship, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. This step can be crucial for your personal growth and relationship health.
Practice Accountability: If you choose to go out, make a commitment to check in with your girlfriend. This small gesture can go a long way in reassuring her and showing that you value her feelings.
Engage in Joint Activities: Find activities that you both enjoy and can do together. This can help strengthen your bond and provide a healthier outlet for your anxiety.

Conclusion

Resolving conflicts in relationships, especially those involving mental health, requires patience, understanding, and open communication. By taking these steps, both partners can work towards a healthier dynamic that respects each other’s needs and fosters mutual support.