WIBTA if I ask my brother and his family to remove me from the annual Christmas letter recipient list

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When Family Beliefs Clash: A Holiday Dilemma

In a heartfelt exploration of family dynamics, a Jewish woman grapples with the annual Christmas card from her Evangelical brother, which she finds both disrespectful and intrusive. Despite her attempts to maintain a loving relationship, the proselytizing tone of the card leaves her feeling dehumanized and frustrated. This story resonates with many who navigate the complexities of differing beliefs within their families, raising questions about respect, boundaries, and the true meaning of love during the holiday season.

Family Drama Over Christmas Cards: A Conflict Resolution Dilemma

A Reddit user shared a personal story about the ongoing tension between their Jewish family and their Evangelical Christian brother’s family, particularly regarding the Christmas cards they receive annually. The situation has sparked a broader discussion about respect, boundaries, and the challenges of maintaining family relationships amidst differing beliefs.

The user, who identifies as Jewish, has a brother who converted to Evangelical Christianity, along with his wife and children.
Despite previous discussions about boundaries, the brother’s family continues to send Christmas cards that include religious messages, which the user finds offensive.
The user expressed a desire for a more honest relationship with their brother, emphasizing that they do not view him or his family as “evil,” but rather “sanctimonious.”
Comments from Redditors highlighted the importance of understanding the brother’s perspective, as proselytizing is a fundamental aspect of Evangelical beliefs.

The user reflected on their feelings of frustration and disrespect, particularly during significant family events, such as the funeral of their brother’s son, where religious messages were also present. They noted that while they appreciate prayers from friends of all faiths, they do not wish to be told how to pray or what beliefs to hold.

The user has considered asking to be removed from the Christmas card mailing list but is concerned about the potential impact on their relationship with their brother.
They have previously expressed support for their brother’s beliefs, stating they have no desire to change his faith.
Despite feeling hypocritical for venting to other family members, the user is hesitant to confront their brother directly about the issue.

After receiving feedback from the Reddit community, the user has come to terms with the idea that a heart-to-heart conversation may not be feasible at this time. They acknowledged that maintaining a relationship with their brother might require them to overlook certain feelings of disrespect.

The user plans to recycle the Christmas cards unopened in the future, as a way to avoid conflict while still preserving family ties.
They expressed gratitude for the support and insights shared by others, particularly those who have experienced similar family dynamics.

This situation highlights the complexities of family drama, especially when differing religious beliefs come into play. The user’s journey reflects the ongoing struggle for conflict resolution while striving to maintain familial love and respect.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

UPDATE

Whoa, I never expected this post would get so many comments. First, I should tell you I made this card and sent it to the Evangelical members of my family before I posted here on Reddit.

I’ve read and thought about virtually all the comments—not the sprinkling from anti-Semitic trolls—and would like to respond in general. I can see that because I posted about this on Reddit, it seems like I’m making too big a deal about a card letter.

What upsets me isn’t “a dumb card”; it’s the proselytizing that comes with the card. Instead of the card, I might have posted about how furious I was in my grief at the funeral service for my brother’s youngest, 23M, when, at my brother’s request I later learned, the minister beseeched those present who had not accepted Jesus as their Savior to do so.

But I let go of that long ago and never remotely considered saying anything to my brother about it. Several comments prompted me to think of this now, so I mention it only for the broader context.

I’d especially like to thank those of you who read my post carefully enough to understand I would like to have a better, more honest, and open relationship with my brother. Another one of my brothers expressed what I realized was also part of my thought process: “If I was ever doing something to hurt others and I had no idea I was doing this, then I would really want them to tell me because that isn’t who I ever want to be.”

I don’t think my brother and his family are “evil” or “evilish,” not at all; I do think they’re sanctimonious. I know my brother wants everyone to be safe, well, and happy, but according to the values and rigid dogma of his chosen faith.

I believe he and his family truly don’t understand “how their religious paradigm fundamentally dehumanizes others,” a comment from someone who “grew up fundamentalist Southern Baptist and is now a progressive Methodist pastor.” I would absolutely want to know if anyone—not just people I care about—felt I were disrespecting them in any way, so I considered trying to have that conversation with my brother.

It never occurred to me that asking my brother and his family to take me off their mailing lists was “a hill to die on,” “a fight to the death,” or the start of “a holy war!” Jeez, some of y’all need to learn the difference between a valid inference and a wild assumption.

Nor is this in any way about Christmas vs. Chanukah, Christians vs. Jews, or any other religion, or my inability to accept differences. As I said in my original post, many years ago I told my brother that although I will never be a Christian, “I am happy for you and your family and have no desire whatsoever to dissuade you from what you believe.”

But several comments have clarified for me that therein lies the rub. What Evangelicals believe demands that they keep proselytizing.

I’d like to add in response to several comments that I’m grateful for all prayers and good wishes sent to me and my family. When one of my children was diagnosed with a potentially fatal medical condition, friends of all religions asked if they could pray for him, and several specifically asked if they could add him to their church’s prayer list.

I’m a believer in the power of prayer, all prayers, and my response was always a profoundly heartfelt thank you. Again, I just don’t want to be told how I should pray.

“Return to sender” is out because I don’t want to harm our relationship. Wanting to be understood and seen for who I am by people I love is not kvetching.

I haven’t just tossed the Christmas cards from my brother and his family like a piece of junk mail up till now because that would have felt callous to me, even though the cards invariably piss me off. So, yeah, I’ve been in a quandary.

I’m someone who’s willing to have the hard conversations in the spirit of trying to make things better, not “escalate” them. It feels hypocritical to vent with my Jewish siblings but never say a word to my brother and his family about how disrespected we feel.

But after reading all the comments, the most enlightening for me from insiders/former Evangelicals, I accept the heart-to-heart conversation I’d love to have within the context of asking to be removed from the mailing list is not possible for now and maybe never will be. I now accept that to maintain a relationship I value with my brother, there will be times I’ll just have to get over feeling hypocritical.

An especially enlightening comment for me was the one explaining that “None come to the Father except through Him” is “just considered normal communication for Evangelicals. It’s how they say Hello. It’s how they speak to everyone, even people in their own religion that they know already believe the same things.”

I had a light bulb moment. It’s akin to “Under his eye” in Gilead. I’ll take the advice from so many of you and next year recycle the card unopened. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my post.

ORIGINAL POST

WIBTA if I asked my brother and his family to leave my name off their Christmas card mailing list next year?

Here’s some background before I explain the problem with their Christmas cards. My family is Jewish, with Eastern European Jewish roots on both my father’s and mother’s side.

Raised in a sporadically observant Jewish home, none of us are particularly observant now aside from saying Happy New Year in the fall, lighting the menorah candles for Chanukah, and occasionally attending a Seder. But whenever any of us meets an elderly Jewish New Yorker, we instantly feel like they’re family.

All this is to say we very much feel that we’re Jewish, MOT1 and all that. Spiritually, we each follow our own path, including atheism in some cases.

Long ago, however, one of my brothers became an Evangelical Christian, embracing a version of Christianity that denies the validity of all other religions. His wife, raised Catholic, and his son and son’s family are also Evangelical Christians.

In the early years of my brother’s conversion, there was a struggle to set boundaries—no, I don’t believe and will never believe our souls need saving from eternal hellfire, but I am happy for you and your family and have no desire whatsoever to dissuade you from what you believe.

Now to get to the point. The conversations exhorting us to accept Jesus as our Savior have ended, for the most part, but the entire Jewish side of the family is still receiving THE CHRISTMAS CARD/LETTER from someone in my brother’s family, and we’re stunned that they don’t realize how offensive this is.

We joke about sending them a Chanukah card,

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus around the idea of simply discarding the Christmas cards without engaging in any discussion. Many users suggest that returning the cards or throwing them away is the best way to avoid potential drama and communicate disinterest in the religious overtures. Overall, the comments reflect a desire to maintain personal boundaries while navigating complex family dynamics.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict Over Christmas Cards

Family dynamics can be challenging, especially when differing beliefs come into play. In this situation, both the user and their brother’s family have valid perspectives. Here are some practical steps to help navigate this conflict while maintaining respect and understanding for both sides.

Steps for the User

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to understand your emotions regarding the Christmas cards. Acknowledge your feelings of frustration and disrespect, but also consider the love you have for your brother and his family.
Set Personal Boundaries: Decide how you want to handle the Christmas cards moving forward. If recycling them unopened feels right, commit to that decision as a way to protect your peace without escalating the situation.
Communicate Openly (If Comfortable): If you feel ready, consider having a gentle conversation with your brother about your feelings. Use “I” statements to express how the cards make you feel without placing blame. For example, “I feel uncomfortable receiving religious messages that don’t align with my beliefs.”
Focus on Common Ground: Emphasize the love and respect you have for your brother and his family. Highlight shared values, such as family unity, to reinforce your bond despite differing beliefs.
Seek Support: Talk to other family members or friends who understand your perspective. They can provide emotional support and may offer additional insights on how to handle the situation.

Steps for the Brother’s Family

Understand Their Perspective: Recognize that your religious beliefs are important to you, but also consider how they may affect your brother and his family. Empathy can go a long way in maintaining family harmony.
Respect Boundaries: If your brother expresses discomfort with the Christmas cards, be open to adjusting your approach. Consider sending cards that are more inclusive or secular in nature.
Engage in Dialogue: If your brother is open to it, initiate a conversation about the cards. Ask how he feels and listen actively to his concerns. This can help foster understanding and respect.
Find Compromise: Explore ways to celebrate your beliefs without imposing them on others. Perhaps consider sending a holiday card that focuses on family and love rather than religious messages.
Be Patient: Understand that changing family dynamics takes time. Be patient with your brother and his feelings, and allow space for growth in your relationship.

Ultimately, the goal is to foster a loving and respectful family environment. By taking these steps, both sides can work towards a resolution that honors their beliefs while maintaining their familial bond.