WIBTA if I divorce my husband?

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When Appreciation Turns to Dismissal: A Struggling Marriage

In a marriage where one partner feels undervalued and belittled, a woman grapples with her husband’s dismissive attitude towards her hard-earned education and career. Despite bringing in a substantial income and juggling family responsibilities, her husband’s belief that degrees are worthless creates a rift that threatens their relationship. As she confronts the implications of his mindset, particularly regarding their child’s medical needs, she questions whether staying in this marriage is worth the emotional toll. This story resonates with many who have faced similar struggles of validation and respect in their relationships, especially in a society that often equates worth with education and professional success.

Family Drama Over Degrees and Value

A woman is facing significant family drama as she navigates a conflict with her husband regarding the value of education and her accomplishments. The tension escalated recently, leading her to question the future of their marriage. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Husband’s Attitude: The husband often makes dismissive comments about his wife’s achievements, suggesting that her college degrees are worthless. He believes that practical experience outweighs formal education.
Wife’s Background: The wife holds a bachelor’s degree, an associate’s degree, and is one semester away from completing her master’s degree. She transitioned from the medical field to education to better accommodate her children’s needs.
Financial Contributions: Despite her husband’s dismissive attitude, the wife brings in a substantial income of $4,000 a month, which is significantly more than minimum wage jobs. This financial stability is crucial for their family, especially given their childcare situation.
Conflict Trigger: The conflict intensified when the wife expressed concern over her oldest daughter’s medical care. The child’s biological father is denying necessary medical treatment, claiming there is nothing wrong with her. The wife argued that without medical training, he should not make such decisions.
Husband’s Response: The husband sided with the child’s father, insisting that degrees are irrelevant. This prompted a heated exchange where the wife pointed out the absurdity of his stance by suggesting that anyone could perform surgery without proper training.
Value of Education: The wife believes that her degrees provide her with opportunities and a better quality of life for her family. She argues that education is not just about knowledge but also about access to better job prospects and benefits.
Scholarships and Financial Aid: The wife has successfully applied for scholarships that exceed her educational expenses, bringing in additional funds. This newfound financial support has led her husband to change his tone, suddenly valuing her education now that it benefits their finances.

Given the ongoing conflict and her husband’s lack of appreciation for her accomplishments, the wife is contemplating divorce. She feels that he is using her financial contributions while undermining her worth and achievements. The situation raises questions about conflict resolution and the importance of mutual respect in a marriage.

In light of these circumstances, the wife is left wondering: Would it be wrong to consider divorce over these fundamental differences in values and respect?

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I’ll try to condense as much as possible.

My husband is great about a lot of things but never appreciates me. Nothing is ever good enough. He thinks he says things in harmless or joking ways, but even the little things add up, like, “Next time you make that recipe, you should…” Translation: he didn’t like it, and it’s literally everything.

He doesn’t help clean the house, but the house isn’t clean enough, so on and so forth. Long story short on his job—he has the kind that you don’t need a degree for, and you can work your way up because experience gives you more knowledge about the processes than book learning. He makes almost 70k a year.

He’s as high up as he can go for now. Any higher gets into the management and business side of things, which needs a degree. The guys that have those degrees and positions have never done the grunt work, so they make crappy decisions that he always has to fix.

But they make him feel stupid and treat people without degrees like they are worthless. He has this warped mindset as a result that he knows more than people who went to college and that degrees mean nothing, but applied to any and every job field out there. I was in the medical field when we met, but the schedule was never conducive to my oldest daughter’s needs.

When we got married and had another child, I left to do education instead. Today, he told me college degrees are worthless. My degrees mean nothing.

I have a bachelor’s and an associate’s and am one semester away from having a master’s. He doesn’t mind the 4K a month I bring in as opposed to making minimum wage somewhere with a schedule that doesn’t work with kids, but has the nerve to tell me my degree means nothing.

To me, a degree isn’t just about knowledge. It’s about opportunity. Without that degree, I’d be struggling to work at whatever job I could find that works with my kids because we have no one for childcare, and they’re too old for daycare but too young to stay alone.

With my degree, my schedule matches theirs always. They have great insurance, which his job doesn’t give me or them, and my knowledge and experience in education give me opportunities aside from simply teaching public school. But again, he says my degrees are worthless.

This all started because my oldest daughter’s dad is trying to deny her medical care that she needs based on his opinion that nothing is wrong with her because he can’t physically see her having symptoms. The symptoms are more of the feeling type and less of the seeing type, and I made the comment that he has no medical knowledge, training, or degree to make the decision that he’s going to prevent her from getting testing and treatment for her issues.

My husband then told me he doesn’t need one because degrees mean nothing. My response was for him to let any bum on the street take out his gallbladder since anyone can do it then. He still thinks he’s right! That training and college mean nothing.

I know they’re not necessary for every job, but they do have their value in some places, whereas my daughter’s is a neurological and pulmonary issue. So, WIBTA if I divorce him for basically using me for my money while also telling me that everything I have accomplished is completely worthless?

Also adding—I apply for and get scholarships that far exceed the need of my schooling, which means I get checks between 2-5k each semester and also will be getting about 10-12k between spring and summer this year. As soon as I told him that, he’s suddenly saying, “Oh, don’t quit!” So now my degree means something?

Inline AITA Image 3 Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)